Here at Dartmouth, real trends in fashion, politics, and tectonic plate movement often don’t permeate our bubble. But like any isolated civilization, we have developed our unique visual code to signify status, allegiance, and resistance through our dress. Unfortunately, this coding usually involves sweatshirts. I’ll never forget the time I was sitting with a friend and somebody dressed as a cow in FoCo. I was enjoying my sub-par cup of frozen fat, when two pledges started yelling at me to turn around. “You better not be serious about that sweatshirt. YO, YO! FUCK YALE!! Take that shit OFF!” OK, so I was wearing a Yale sweatshirt. And they were probably blacked out. BUT, I am from New Haven, born and raised, and Yale was a very important part of my childhood. And last time I checked, we don’t live in medieval England, so I’m pretty sure the laws about only royalty being allowed to wear ermine cuffs, or Yale sweatshirts, or whatever, have been abolished. I wasn’t going to let them humiliate me. So I calmly licked my spoon, stood up, and proceeded to disrobe in front of them, revealing my eight nipples and Dark Mark to all of FoCo. And then I stole their sirens. Just kidding.

A lot of what we wear here has less to do with self-presentation in the traditional sense and more to do with associating yourself visually with a tribe (i.e. Greek house, athletic team, or campus group). We live in kind of an alternate universe, one where sparkly fanny packs denote a higher social standing than dress ties? But we aren’t completely disconnected from society and its fashion dictates. We go to West Leb occasionally (…Tuxedo Store?) and browse online sales during 10As. We have a vague understanding of fashionable colors and silhouettes. And then we throw this notion in the blender with three cups of flair, a liter of Keystone, and three weeks at the end of the term without enough DA$H left to do laundry. And that’s when things get real. Real beat. So we’ve canvassed our peers to find out what they think the most offensive campus trends are. Here are the results:

“If people here actually followed real fashion trends, I’d say Aladdin pants. They look like kitten hammocks between your legs.”
–Kathleen Mayer ‘11

“Psi U unis.” –Anonymous

“KDE’s ‘Down to 09F’ pledge shirt just rubs me the wrong way. Especially because it comes from a sorority that claims to be progressive on the gender equality front. It seems like a step in the wrong direction.” –Anonymous

“See-through leggings as pants.” –Everyone.[Disclaimer: I am a prime offender of this trend. It is becoming an offensively perennial staple in my wardrobe.]

“Tights as pants…not that I’m complaining.”
–Andrew Mertens ‘12

“Dartmouth Indian T-Shirts.”
-Hilary Krutt

“The word Dartmouth plastered on everything.” –AJ Kuhr ‘13

“Your tights.” –Mary Ann Carolan ‘80
[Disclaimer: these were actually
leggings. See above.]

“Kappa ribbons.” –Anonymous