Smiles and Empathy

Sitting on my roof looking down Maple Street, I begin to think about my fellow ’09s quickly approaching graduation, our future, and how I can’t imagine leaving my home here at 9 Prospect Street. A breeze picks up, sending the sunlit leaves of the maple tree that just reaches out onto the roof into a glittery dance and I look over to my friend who is thumbing through the pages of The Atlantic. She is wearing crimson red shorts after our getaway stroll up Balch Hill; my mind wanders to an article in that issue called “What Makes Us Happy.” A curious question. The article covers, for the first time, a 70-year longitudinal study performed at Harvard examining what leads to happiness. As the wind drifts, I start to think about the key to happiness here at Dartmouth.

The simplest piece of advice I could give on how to live a happy life at Dartmouth would be to try to live off-campus for at least one term, if not all of senior year. Secondly, realize the importance of your friendships and interactions with others. Living off campus has all sorts of obvious perks: kitchens, nooks & crannies, basements, big beds, microwaves, living rooms, and the opportunity to live and socialize with friends. More importantly, off-campus living gives you enough distance to let you put your on-campus experience as well as your entire four (or so) years here into perspective. This distance, physical and otherwise, engenders a certain peace of mind. It lets you step back and appreciate the beauty of this place—the simple dancing of maple leaves takes precedence over the trivial nuances that can make people question their self-worth and ability to survive at Dartmouth.

I employ the term “survive” because I believe most students find that the beauty of the place belies a natural struggle. This struggle is a collective experience we all encounter at Dartmouth at some point, but nonetheless we let fear or skittishness keep us from sharing our inner turmoil. We certainly know how to put up a confident facade. The influences of others and the fast pace of Dartmouth life can make these personal struggles harder to face. It is important that we take the time to step back into our own personal spaces. My room this past year has become my sanctuary. Though sometimes (most times) you can hardly see the floor of my room, it is always a place where I can reflect on things that are happening in my life. It helps me foster my friendships and relationships with people and realize what is truly important in my life. So try to live off-campus, or at least find your own haven, so that you can appreciate Dartmouth more and feel more personally centered. That haven can be your room, a place of reflection, an activity, or anything that just lets you put the bigger picture together and improves your personal happiness.

Living off-campus has also allowed me to grow close to seven incredible friends, and has helped me improve all of my interactions with others. These seven guys and gals I’ve lived with have transformed my experience, and while we may not all have been the best of friends to start, living together brings a closeness that I do not think can be imitated. It is something that I will miss dearly when I leave—I will not forget the late night conversations on the porch and the roof, or even the fun we have constantly battling with our clogged drains and messy house. At Dartmouth, I have found that there are different levels of friendships, ranging from the friends that you know you will grow old with (and unclog drains with) and will always be close with, to the acquaintances that you greet walking across the green.

Living off-campus and being a senior has reinvigorated my love and respect for the people here, and I feel more enthusiastic when I walk onto campus and see everyone. My piece of advice to you is that, regardless of how close you are with your friends or with people that you have just met, it is incredibly important to acknowledge all of these people in your life—even if it is just to say “hey” or give a smile and nod. And if you do have the time (it doesn’t take much), get to know as many of them as you can. This past year, I’ve sat down and had meals with the most incredible people, often just by chance. In the end, it is the relationships with people, and a certain social aptitude, that you will bring away with you from college. I would advise you to make room for the unexpected interactions, like a walk up Balch Hill, and to plan time with the people that you care about. It can be a hard task to juggle, but if you can find this balance, then I believe you will improve your happiness. While the article from The Atlantic I was pondering about on the roof does not discuss this balance, it does point out that relationships with other people and warm connections lead to happiness and to a good life as we age. I think that it is these connections that lead to happiness at Dartmouth, and I hope that you can find them.

My last piece of advice is to have empathy. I have always tried to be conscious and understanding of others’ circumstances, but living in close quarters with people makes the importance of having empathy even more apparent. You never know what is really going on in someone else’s life, and just realizing that can make a world of difference. If Dartmouth had just a bit more empathy then there would hardly be any issues of respect on our campus. Simply sit down and talk to one another. I believe this is where respect comes from, and if you have empathy in your everyday interactions and communications with people then life is better on both ends.

That’s all I really have to say—it is fitting that as I finish this piece I am running off to have a sit-down dinner with my 9P ladies.