addy’s little girl?
If you were the daughter of the most powerful person in the free world, would you want to change your identity? Apparently, if you’re one President Bush’s daughters, the answer is “yes.” Nineteen-year-old Jenna Bush, a first-year student at the University of Texas at Austin, was recently caught attempting to buy alcohol at a restaurant with someone else’s ID.
This is not the first time Jenna has run afoul of the law in her ceaseless pursuit of alcohol. Just last month, she was given a citation for underage drinking at a local Austin nightclub, fined, and forced to attend an alcohol awareness class. Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Daddy’s little boy
The right-wing policies of the Bush administration are designed by former Ford staffers and styled after Ronald Reagan’s. Bush Senior lately finds himself doing nothing but playing cheerleader for the White House, a role he’s quite familiar with. At a recent Las Vegas forum of high tech analysts and business executives, Bush Sr. talked about how proud he was of W’s winning the Presidency. “You remember when your kid came home with two A’s — and you thought he was going to fail? That’s exactly what it’s like,” Bush Sr. said. Ironically W. got mostly C’s at Yale, but then again he probably didn’t win those by cheating.
What’s he been smoking?
In the wake of the recent Supreme Court decision banning the medical use of marijuana, Republicans have furthered the government’s assault on “abusers.” Their next target: federal program junkies. The impetus for the recently passed tax cut was not just a desire to give back to the “hard working middle-class American,” but to identify and eradicate the epidemic caused by the progressive tax scheme. House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-TX) comments on the present crisis, “The addicts are going to have to take the cure. We’re no longer going to get stoned on other people’s money.” Only wealthy CEOs are allowed to do that.
Well done, Mr. President!
Since the beginning of his presidential campaign, George W. Bush has touted his record as “a uniter, not a divider.” Last week, we finally understood the meaning of those words. Bush’s latest success (aside from poisoning our drinking water, wasting our budget surplus, concocting a suicidal energy policy, and embarrassing America on the global stage) is uniting Democrats and moderate Republicans. Senator Jim Jeffords’ departure from the Republican party is an important accomplishment for the new administration, and for once, Bush can claim all the credit.
The Free Press would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Bush for knocking the first stone out of America’s partisan wall.
Mr. Manners
Jeffords isn’t the first Republican to bring down his own party. Back in the good old days of ’98, Ken Starr helped the Democrats win a number of House seats with his vicious attempt to impeach President Clinton. Lately though, Starr seems to have had a change of heart. Commenting on the Senate Democrats’ takeover, Starr said he thinks they “must govern and conduct themselves in a professional manner.” Apparently Starr thought the Democrats’ treatment of John Ashcroft during his confirmation hearings was unprofessional, because the Democrats “characterized and demonized [Ashcroft] as being malevolent.” In anticipation of further controversial Bush nominees, Starr called on Democrats to “have [a] debate on the merits, instead of character assassination.” Maybe the Democrats can commission Ken Starr to do a ‘professional’ investigation of the Bush nominees.
Conservatives Just Don’t Get It
Right-wingers have talked for years about how sex education programs that teach teen-agers how to avoid pregnancy and AIDS somehow encourage them to engage in dangerous sexual behavior. This is sort of like claiming that teaching a person to drive makes them drive more haphazardly. But a recent review of 250 studies found that, surprise surprise, programs that discuss contraceptive methods do NOT encourage sexual activity. Furthermore, programs that discussed only abstinence, like the ones Bush wants to increase funding for, showed no evidence of being effective. Isn’t it amazing that simply telling kids to ‘Just say no,’ doesn’t work? Those poor Republicans don’t have any luck when it comes to sex….education.
With Friends Like These…
When former Republican Congressman Matt Salmon recently told the Arizona Republic that he will run for Governor of Arizona, he found that he still had some fans on the other side of the aisle in the House of Representatives. New York Democratic Congressman Eliot Engel praised Salmon’s integrity and said: “I love the guy. He’s one of the best people I’ve met in Washington on either side of the aisle. I can come out to Arizona and campaign for him or against him. Whatever helps the most.”
Cheney’s Reception
Last week, Vice$mdash;President Cheney held a reception for all $100,000 Republican donors at the Vice Presidential mansion. The attendees had raised over $24 million in soft money for the GOP at separate events.
On an unrelated note, in October, Presidential candidate Bush said the following of Gore’s controversial fundraiser at a Buddhist temple, “I don’t know the man well, but I’ve been disappointed about how he and his Administration has [yeah, subject-verb agreement] conducted the fund-raising affairs. You know, going to a Buddhist temple and then claiming it wasn’t a fund-raiser is just not my view of responsibility.”
Unlike Gore’s fundraiser, Bush and Cheney’s recent soiree was but a “thank you” for all of the time and effort invested by loyal donors. Maybe the higher price of thank you notes these days has something to do with Bush’s new economics.
Can you spare a dime?
Seniors, are you miffed that the College is already bombarding you with pleas for donations? Staff-writer Randy Choiniere has found a way around this. You can be removed from the alumni mailing list by going to the Alumni Records Office on the second floor of the Fleet Bank building. If you do this, the College can no longer solicit donations or dues from you. The downside? You forfeit certain privileges like a subscription to Alumni Magazine. We’ll start donating when we get a free subscription to The Free Press.
